G's Up, Ho's Down

I'm going out tonight. Not surprising for me on a Friday-but I'm really at a loss for what I want to wear tonight. Usually when I go out, I look nice. I always wear heels. Sometimes I rock the falsies (eyelashes, not boobs). But tonight is special. There's a gathering near here of working girls and guys and I have been requested to attend. No naked druid dancing around a fire (Heather's got that covered for me) or howling at the moon.

I have been asked to booty dance.

Y'see, I have a big ol butt. A butt you could serve tea on. It's legendary around these parts. I also have no shame when it comes to dancing. I'm a fool and have the How to Strip For Your Man dvd's to prove it. As well as The Stripper's Guide to Looking Great Naked. Are you noticing a theme here?

So, today has been spent trying on and discarding various blush worthy pieces of apparel. The original blue leather bustier/corset just can't perform like it should so something else is having to be substituted. The rump shaker shorts are fabu-as are the fishnets. My boots though, they're kinda clunky for summertime in Florida, so I might have to go with thigh high stockings and stilettos.

Ooooh, the piece de resistance-a WIG. I'll have the sweetest porn hair goin on since well, I had real porn hair a few years ago.

No pics-no paparrazi allowed tonight. This is strictly a back door affair done on the DL. When you get a bunch of mid 30s to 50s people together dressed up like Halloween, NOBODY wants that kind of blackmail material floating around.

Have a fabulous holiday weekend everyone!


Friday May 25, 2007 - 11:37am (EDT)

Let's Give Em Somethin To Talk About

I read a friend's blog entries from yesterday, one in particular that got me thinking.

I'm a BBW. Now, in and of itself that doesn't particularly mean anything to me. I was "thin" in high school but looked gaunt, my face had no character, my eyes were sunken and my cheeks had hollows. Thin for me is around 160 pounds on my 5'4 frame. I'd tell you what I weigh now, but I have no idea. I don't even have a certain clothing size that I wear since different brands cut their clothes either smaller or larger than a "standard" Lane Bryant size. I just bought the dress you see up there in a size 18 for Patrick's wedding, if that gives you any idea.

Since I gained weight in my 20's my face has filled out, I've gotten a few (a very few) smile lines around my eyes and my figure rounded out. I've always had that hourglass/figure 8 shape to me, but now it's just well, MORE hourglassy. I have a full face and a small tummy but a big ol butt and boobs to match.

This brings me to one of the salient points I'm making. I belong to one group of people over 40 that are BBW's and admirer's. It's not a dating group, it's a conversation group and we do discuss all manner of things political and personal-we're just a bunch of friends. I received an email off list pointing out that according to my pictures, I'm not a BBW so why was I in that group soliciting attention of men to the detriment of other women there? Aside from being shocked that I'm not considered a BBW, I was hurt since I hadn't ever thought I was soliciting anything, in fact I didn't talk about my grandfather's death or the wedding my son is having. I talk about the weather and politics and whether Big Brother will be back on CBS this summer. I don't flirt, mainly because, well that brings me to point 2-

I dont' like skinny old men. I just don't. I have a definate and distinct preference for a man within 10 years of my age who is tall and heavyset. I totally and completely get turned on by big men. Does that make me shallow? Am I a hypocrite because I won't give a short skinny guy a chance? Nope-not at all. Y'see-I myself am in that nebulous category of too big for men that like average sized women and too small for men that prefer BBWs. I understand that and personally, just don't care. I'm whip smart and funny as hell and usually pretty generous-a fabulous cook and the hostess that spoils you so much you never want to leave. If you don't like the package it comes in, that's ok, cause I do and everyone has their own tastes.

To sum up-the reasons people are physically attracted to someone are myriad, sometimes twisted and always impossible to figure out. You like what you like and there's no shame in that. Personally, when I get involved with someone, I want them to want my body just as much as they want my mind. I really don't want someone who dates me "in spite of" my shape because they like hanging around me. You can be my friend. Maybe. If you make the cut...

Tuesday February 27, 2007 - 08:43am (EST)

I Heart Dilly

I love Dilly. As a makeup whore of extreme whorishness and lover of all things sartorial, even I don't have the guts to take pictures of myself EVERY DAY, describe and detail what I"m wearing and even do a FOTD (face of the day, for those of you unaquainted with Makeupalley). Seriously, I might have a wee girl crush on her. She's got gorgeous hair and the cutest cute as a button face. I love her style. She could be me 75 pounds lighter. I read her every day and now I have a list of things I want to buy. Love. Her. Madly.

I'm Such a Girl

I'm in a mood. I'm sad and on the verge of tears-it's the wrong time of the month for anything except sunshine and champagne to be raining down on me. Instead, my throat and head hurt, the Gators lost and the people coming to look at my house last night ran late, so instead of the perfectly staged house I had prepared with candles burning in the fireplace and classical music on the stereo, they were greeted by a hysterical preschooler flinging his shoes across the room.

So, as I open my email this morning what do I see? My beloved Nordies has a promo going, the big daddy of all gift with purchases, a mock croc train case LOADED with girly goodness. Now, couple that with the new holiday line from Igigi and I can get lost in a Nyquil induced fantasy of cold winter nights with a hint of snow and me, him and mistletoe.

Now I just have to decide what to buy to get me to that magic $95 to get my train case...

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Tuesday October 17, 2006 - 09:22am (EDT)