E: Mommy, you look very pretty in that shirt.
Me: Why thank you baby.
E: Can you wear another shirt when you pick me up from school?
Me: But you just said I look pretty in this shirt.
E: I know, but you look so pretty it's hurting in my eyes.
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Wednesday September 5, 2007 - 08:13am (EDT)
Showing posts with label The E. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The E. Show all posts
Thursday, December 27, 2007
The Emperor and Me 12
Scene: E is slam jammed up next to me in bed coloring while I'm reading blogs. He's elbowing my incision.
Me: "ooooh!! Uh! Lord that hurts!"
E: "don't call me Lord. My name is Jason! Did you forget?"
Sunday August 26, 2007 - 10:20am (EDT)
Me: "ooooh!! Uh! Lord that hurts!"
E: "don't call me Lord. My name is Jason! Did you forget?"
Sunday August 26, 2007 - 10:20am (EDT)
The Emperor and Me 11
E: Mommy, look at this coloring book (Robots in Action), it's just like Transformers.
Me: MmmHmmm
E: (singing) Transformers!
E and Me: (singing) Transformers! Robots in disguise! Transformers! More than meet
Me: the eyes
E: bee-iiii's
E: What are you singing?! It's bee-iiii's woman!!!
Sunday August 26, 2007 - 09:35am (EDT)
Me: MmmHmmm
E: (singing) Transformers!
E and Me: (singing) Transformers! Robots in disguise! Transformers! More than meet
Me: the eyes
E: bee-iiii's
E: What are you singing?! It's bee-iiii's woman!!!
Sunday August 26, 2007 - 09:35am (EDT)
The Emperor and Me 10
This comes via phone from Shelby-she and The E are at my parents this week while I'm recuperating:
Shelby: Jason, finish cleaning my room. You threw all your toys around.
E: Finish! Finish is my middle name! Finish the Menace!
oy. He'll be in quite some form when I see him tonight...
Friday August 10, 2007 - 12:28pm (EDT)
Shelby: Jason, finish cleaning my room. You threw all your toys around.
E: Finish! Finish is my middle name! Finish the Menace!
oy. He'll be in quite some form when I see him tonight...
Friday August 10, 2007 - 12:28pm (EDT)
The Emperor and Me 9
E: Shelby-you are a barmint.
Shelby: A barmint? What's that?
E: A barmint is somebody dat you wuv, but you don't wanna KISS dem!! Duhhhhh!
Thursday July 26, 2007 - 12:02pm (EDT)
Shelby: A barmint? What's that?
E:
Thursday July 26, 2007 - 12:02pm (EDT)
The Emperor and Me 8
Scene: In the pool-we notice a frog swimming around. Insanity ensues...
Shelby: Get it out! Get it out! Getitout getitout getitout!!!
Frog is removed from the pool so swimming can resume.
E: (hopping around the deck) ribbit! ribbit! ribbit! I speak frog.
Tuesday June 12, 2007 - 04:07pm (EDT)
Shelby: Get it out! Get it out! Getitout getitout getitout!!!
Frog is removed from the pool so swimming can resume.
E: (hopping around the deck) ribbit! ribbit! ribbit! I speak frog.
Tuesday June 12, 2007 - 04:07pm (EDT)
The Emperor and Me 7
E: I hungry. What's for dinner?
Me: Chicken enchiladas and rice.
E: Just give me chicken and rice. I don't like chiladas.
Tuesday June 12, 2007 - 09:34am (EDT)
Me: Chicken enchiladas and rice.
E: Just give me chicken and rice. I don't like chiladas.
Tuesday June 12, 2007 - 09:34am (EDT)
The Emperor and Me 5
E: Love stinks.
Me: Huh? What? WHAT did you say?
E: Love stinks.
Me: Well, uh, what does that mean exactly?
E: It means it pees on you.
Monday May 21, 2007 - 01:44pm (EDT)
Me: Huh? What? WHAT did you say?
E: Love stinks.
Me: Well, uh, what does that mean exactly?
E: It means it pees on you.
Monday May 21, 2007 - 01:44pm (EDT)
The Emperor and Me 4
(yes I realize this is becoming a regular feature, but I'm busy scanning myspace and answering goofy quizzes)
E: I'm hungry.
Me: Ok-want some lunch?
E: How 'bouuuuuuttt (taps his chin with his pointer finger) vanilla ice cream?!
Me: No. How about some 'roni and cheese?
E: No. A peanut butter and butter and jelly sandwich.
(E walks over to the pantry which has double doors)
E: The Closet of FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!
Wednesday May 16, 2007 - 12:56pm (EDT)
E: I'm hungry.
Me: Ok-want some lunch?
E: How 'bouuuuuuttt (taps his chin with his pointer finger) vanilla ice cream?!
Me: No. How about some 'roni and cheese?
E: No. A peanut butter and butter and jelly sandwich.
(E walks over to the pantry which has double doors)
E: The Closet of FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!
Wednesday May 16, 2007 - 12:56pm (EDT)
The Emperor and Me 3
E: Mommy, I need some Coke.
Me: OK-finish up mine.
E: When Coke gets mushy, it tastes like bananas.
W.T.F.?
Tuesday May 15, 2007 - 01:38pm (EDT)
Me: OK-finish up mine.
E:
W.T.F.?
Tuesday May 15, 2007 - 01:38pm (EDT)
Nanny 911
When I refer to The Emperor of my Universe, I'm sure some of you think it's just a cutesy little affectation of an indulgent mother.
It's not. I've spawned a little Napoleon. Y'see, I refer to him sometimes as "my late in life baby" but it's not like I was 47 or anything. I was a whopping 36 when he was born. Compared to the other kids, yes he was significantly later, but c'mon I wasn't worried about breaking a hip or anything.
The problem with having a baby through artificial means and being OLD and knowing he's your last is that you tend to coddle. And baby. And hate the sound of their tears. You find yourself scrambling for rose petals to fling in their path when they stumble from the bed to the bathroom. Think Eddie Murphy in Coming to America-and that's the E.
However. Here's the dark side. He began to set his own bedtime and in his mind, it's a carnival up until he falls over in a coma around 1 am. He jumps on the bed, he throws my (non waterproof) pretty pretties in my bathwater, he gets in the refrigerator for a "midnight snack so I can be strong and hellfy", he uses my cell phone to call Hong Kong. I, however, would like something akin to a social life with other adults and that's chiefly accomplished by phone since I'm soooooooooo far away from all the cool people. It's impossible with a small child hitting you in the face with a Spiderman pillow.
I'm embarrassed to even call SuperNanny or Nanny 911. Those families are intact nuclear families with 11 bratty kids. In my casa, it's just one 44 pound tyrant who has an emotional cattle prod trained on his mother.
So, if you hear wailing and gnashing of teeth coming from the Southeast, hide. Mama's on a pissed off rampage and it ain't pretty.
Thursday May 17, 2007 - 09:55am (EDT)
It's not. I've spawned a little Napoleon. Y'see, I refer to him sometimes as "my late in life baby" but it's not like I was 47 or anything. I was a whopping 36 when he was born. Compared to the other kids, yes he was significantly later, but c'mon I wasn't worried about breaking a hip or anything.
The problem with having a baby through artificial means and being OLD and knowing he's your last is that you tend to coddle. And baby. And hate the sound of their tears. You find yourself scrambling for rose petals to fling in their path when they stumble from the bed to the bathroom. Think Eddie Murphy in Coming to America-and that's the E.
However. Here's the dark side. He began to set his own bedtime and in his mind, it's a carnival up until he falls over in a coma around 1 am. He jumps on the bed, he throws my (non waterproof) pretty pretties in my bathwater, he gets in the refrigerator for a "midnight snack so I can be strong and hellfy", he uses my cell phone to call Hong Kong. I, however, would like something akin to a social life with other adults and that's chiefly accomplished by phone since I'm soooooooooo far away from all the cool people. It's impossible with a small child hitting you in the face with a Spiderman pillow.
I'm embarrassed to even call SuperNanny or Nanny 911. Those families are intact nuclear families with 11 bratty kids. In my casa, it's just one 44 pound tyrant who has an emotional cattle prod trained on his mother.
So, if you hear wailing and gnashing of teeth coming from the Southeast, hide. Mama's on a pissed off rampage and it ain't pretty.
Thursday May 17, 2007 - 09:55am (EDT)
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
The Emperor and Me 2
E: Mommy, is Disney World open today?
Me: Yes.
E: YAY! YAY! I wanna go! Let's go right now!
Me: No-we can't go today.
E: Ohhhhhhhhhh! I wanna gooooooooo!
Me: Jason, it costs money and mommy is broke.
E: So, go to the machine at the bank-they will give you the money.
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Thursday May 10, 2007 - 03:31pm (EDT)
Me: Yes.
E: YAY! YAY! I wanna go! Let's go right now!
Me: No-we can't go today.
E: Ohhhhhhhhhh!
Me: Jason, it costs money and mommy is broke.
E: So, go to the machine at the bank-they will give you the money.
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Thursday May 10, 2007 - 03:31pm (EDT)
The Emperor and Me
E: Mommmmeee, I need toilet paper.
Me: Jason, get it yourself.
E: I caaaan't, I'm on the potty.
Me: OK, be right there.
E: I made a biiiig poop-and it splashed my booty.
Me: Thanks for the information.
E: Mommy, what's funny about me?
Me: I don't know, what's funny about you?
E: Wook at my underwear.
Me: So fix it, it's twisted.
E: I can't-my underwear controls me.
Tuesday May 8, 2007 - 01:00pm (EDT)
Me: Jason, get it yourself.
E: I caaaan't, I'm on the potty.
Me: OK, be right there.
E: I made a biiiig poop-and it splashed my booty.
Me: Thanks for the information.
E: Mommy, what's funny about me?
Me: I don't know, what's funny about you?
E: Wook at my underwear.
Me: So fix it, it's twisted.
E: I can't-my underwear controls me.
Tuesday May 8, 2007 - 01:00pm (EDT)
I'm It
Joni tagged me:
1. Each player of this game starts w/honestly answering these questions.
2. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own providing their answers.
3. At the end you need to choose 6 people and list their names.
4. Don't forget to leave a comment that says "Tag...You're it" and tell them to read your blog.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
1. Where were you 1 hour ago? Snuggled deep under the covers in my bed, snoring.
2. Who will be your next kiss? The E
3. Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? Yep, actually on my body.
4. When was the last time you went to the mall? Yesterday
5. Are you wearing socks right now? No
6. When was the last time you went out of town? Labor Day weekend
7. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days? No
8. What was the last thing you had to drink? Coke
9. What are you wearing now? A pink nightie
10. Have you been in a car wash? Yes
11. Last food you ate? Pizza
12. Where were you last week on Saturday? Packing at home and then out with a friend.
13. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week? Nope
14. When was the last time you ran? Yesterday when I was spraying Lysol and sprayed it in my eye. I ran to the sink to wash it out.
15. What's the last sporting event you watched? My oh so beloved GATORS whompin up on Arkansas.
16. What are your favorite classes? I loved history and anthropology.
17. Your dream vacation? I'm going to London in May and I go to Orlando at least once every other month. My dream vacay would be snowed in, with someone who shall remain nameless, in a cabin in Banff.
18. Last 3 people's houses you were in? Chris and Michellines, Mark and Linda's, Mike and Heather's.
19. How old are your parents? My mother is will be 65 next week, my father is 64
21. Do you miss anyone? Of course.
22. Last play you saw? Jesus Christ Superstar (technically a rock opera) last Friday night.
Now, I'm tagging Alley, Gilbo, Jimmy, Heather, Leo and Dave :)
Saturday December 9, 2006 - 08:20am (EST)
1. Each player of this game starts w/honestly answering these questions.
2. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own providing their answers.
3. At the end you need to choose 6 people and list their names.
4. Don't forget to leave a comment that says "Tag...You're it" and tell them to read your blog.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
1. Where were you 1 hour ago? Snuggled deep under the covers in my bed, snoring.
2. Who will be your next kiss? The E
3. Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? Yep, actually on my body.
4. When was the last time you went to the mall? Yesterday
5. Are you wearing socks right now? No
6. When was the last time you went out of town? Labor Day weekend
7. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days? No
8. What was the last thing you had to drink? Coke
9. What are you wearing now? A pink nightie
10. Have you been in a car wash? Yes
11. Last food you ate? Pizza
12. Where were you last week on Saturday? Packing at home and then out with a friend.
13. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week? Nope
14. When was the last time you ran? Yesterday when I was spraying Lysol and sprayed it in my eye. I ran to the sink to wash it out.
15. What's the last sporting event you watched? My oh so beloved GATORS whompin up on Arkansas.
16. What are your favorite classes? I loved history and anthropology.
17. Your dream vacation? I'm going to London in May and I go to Orlando at least once every other month. My dream vacay would be snowed in, with someone who shall remain nameless, in a cabin in Banff.
18. Last 3 people's houses you were in? Chris and Michellines, Mark and Linda's, Mike and Heather's.
19. How old are your parents? My mother is will be 65 next week, my father is 64
21. Do you miss anyone? Of course.
22. Last play you saw? Jesus Christ Superstar (technically a rock opera) last Friday night.
Now, I'm tagging Alley, Gilbo, Jimmy, Heather, Leo and Dave :)
Saturday December 9, 2006 - 08:20am (EST)
STOP TOUCHING ME!!!
I love my son. I do. Really. A whole lot. BUT-if he doesn't stop touching me I will scream.
The Man turned 4 a couple weeks ago. Normal 4 year old boys really only want to eat dirt, hide worms in the couch and mainline Cocoa Pebbles. Not so my child-he wants to be touching me at.all.times. If I'm on the couch, he's on my lap with his head hanging down past my knees and his feet wrapped around my neck ( "I bein a bat, Mummy!"). If I'm sitting on the bed with my laptop, he's rightnextome with his feet patting the keyboard until I lose my mind and push him away.
At night when we sleep, I end up clinging to the teeny tiny cord on the edge of the mattress because he has to sleep justthiscloseatalltimes. As I type this, I'm sitting on the bed and he's right next to me, his torse and right arm glued to me from my hip all the way down to my knee. He can't go from Point A to Point B without crawling over my lap on the way.
I thought I would get my body back when I stopped breastfeeding, but apparently he just latched on to the rest of my flesh. Oy.
Friday November 10, 2006 - 11:28am (EST)
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